


Coyote and Ice

by Aria6



Series: A Coyote's Stories [46]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Discrimination, Helplessness, Physical Abuse, blame, post aizen, the Gotei 13 can be assholes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-03-09
Packaged: 2018-03-13 02:04:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3363710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria6/pseuds/Aria6





	1. Chapter 1

Starrk lifted the sake bottle to his lips and took a long, deep swallow.

The cheap liquor burned at his throat and seared his sinuses, making him cough for a moment before reaching up with his other hand to wipe his eyes. He lowered the bottle for a moment, just looking at it. He hated the taste, hated the smell, hated almost everything about it. But he loved one thing, and that made up for everything else.

He loved how it helped him sleep. Starrk closed his eyes for a moment, feeling the endless pain, deep in his soul. Lilynette was gone. Half his soul, the only thing he'd cared about in the world. It felt like there was no point in living, without her beside him.

That was the worst injury but it was far from the only one. He had been dying by inches, suffering incredible pain when the healing taichou had found him. At that, he had been lucky. Only a few more minutes and he would have been beyond saving. But he had suffered for so very, very long down there, the blood slowly filling his lungs. He had been trapped in the depths of a half-ruined building on top of it. Sometimes, enclosed spaces brought that back.

Worse had come after his capture. Starrk still couldn't think of that horrible painted man without feeling terrible pain. That man had explored him, taken him apart to see how he worked. Sometimes with anesthetic, sometimes without. Kido tests, things he couldn't even begin to name… it had all been agonizing.

For some reason, the shinigami had removed him from that man's clutches. Starrk was vague on why. Something about the false-hollows, about trying to bring hybrids into Soul Society. Starrk wasn't sure how they thought they would be able to trust him, after all he'd endured. But they weren't, not really. The bracelets and collar they forced him to wear cut his power to almost nothing. He couldn't remove them. He could hardly even defend himself, something that had been forcefully shown to him. Sighing, Starrk raised the drink to his lips again. Fortunately, as long as he went to work then immediately came home, such attacks were rare. The time he'd made the mistake of a going to a party… it had taken weeks for all the injuries to heal.

"Lilynette." Starrk muttered, dropping the bottle of sake. It was empty and he needed more. Cracking open a new bottle, he took a deep swallow of the contents. It would take at least three of these bottles to bring him to blessed unconsciousness. That was why he drank the cheapest he could find. He was not paid well and this cheap flat ate into his funds. Fortunately, he didn't need to eat, or he could never have afforded the sake. Starrk wasn't sure how he could live without it, anymore. Once, sleep had been so effortless. He'd done it all day and hardly ever dreamed. Closing his eyes, Starrk let the half-empty bottle slip from his hand.

For a while, he would sleep and not dream. That would have to be enough.

* * *

Starrk stared emptily at the sheet of paper before he began to pen his report.

Until he'd fallen into the painted taichou's hands, he hadn't been able to read. He wasn't sure what the man had done to him, to make this happen, but after he'd been released he'd been able to read and write in many different languages. Starrk thought the man had done something to his soul collection. Whatever was behind it, though, he'd at least not had to admit to illiteracy. Not that he was well educated. Starrk struggled, often, with his duties. The first time he'd been tasked with helping with the budget he'd very nearly cried, in private.

He'd betrayed none of it in public, though. Hollows did not survive by showing weakness and the reiatsu limiters already put him at a severe disadvantage. He couldn't afford to appear any weaker in front of them. So he fought with his duties until he mastered them, accepting criticism and punishment. Starrk knew his taichou thought he was nearly worthless, but there was no help for that. First impressions lingered for a very long time.

"Starrk-chan~!" The bane of his existence. Starrk lifted his head as the woman with the red hair and the beauty mark came into his office. Since he had no real power left and no zanpakuto, Starrk's duties were almost entirely paperwork. "I have some work for you!" She was carrying quite a stack of papers. He looked at his nearly clean desk sadly before nodding.

"Yes, fukutaichou-sama." He said, resigned. She dimpled at him but he couldn't even muster a smile for her. He knew her fairly well by now and knew she was throwing a great deal of her own work onto him. The one time he'd tried a feeble complaint his taichou had sharply remonstrated him. Since then, he'd simply endured, trying and failing to complete all his tasks.

He could only finish it all by staying late, so he did. It wasn't like he had any kind of life, anyway. At least, that was what he'd overheard one of the shinigami saying about him. Starrk didn't quite understand it, though. He was alive. That meant he had a life. Perhaps they were commenting on the quality of it? Starrk wasn't sure how that was supposed to improve, though, when he was living as a near-slave among shinigami…

_Slave._ Starrk sighed to himself as he rolled that word around in his head. He knew the shinigami would vehemently disagree with him on that, of course. They would say he was being given a second chance, a place to work and live, a way to prove himself. Starrk thought that nothing he ever did would be proof enough to remove the limiters on his power.

He worked slowly but diligently, plowing through the paperwork. Starrk completely lost track of time as he filled out form after form. He stopped briefly at one point, to take a walk. That quickly proved to be a mistake.

"Starrk!" He flinched at the sharp tone, his shoulders hunching. Turning, he saw his taichou glaring at him. The fact that he had to look up didn't make it any less intimidating. "What are you doing?"

"Taking a walk, taichou-sama." He said as submissively as possible. If he had still been an adjuchas, he would have rolled on his back and exposed his belly. Being powerless brought out his instincts and made him behave submissively to even the weakest shinigami…

"Starrk, you never complete your work on time!" He wanted to protest. How was he supposed to get his work done on time when he had to complete the things Matsumoto gave him first? She had made it clear that those reports came before his own work. Was he supposed to go entirely without sleep? Starrk didn't bother to say it, though. He just looked at his own feet, trying to make himself as small as possible. "Get back to work!"

"Hai, taichou-sama." He said, resigned. Going back to his office, he looked at the papers sadly. Perhaps he wouldn't sleep tonight. He was capable of going several days without sleep, when necessary. Picking up a paper, he began to work.

It was hopeless, but he could only keep trying.

* * *

For the next several weeks, Starrk's life was mostly uneventful.

Mostly. A group of young shinigami tried to corner him and beat him up, once, while he was going to his flat. Fortunately Starrk knew the neighborhood very well by now and he was quite agile. He managed to escape them and hide away in his apartment, drinking a bit more than usual to dull the hopelessness. The weights on his wrists and throat had never been so heavy.

A few days later, though, something much worse happened.

"Starrk-chan~!" Ah, more work. Starrk stared blankly as a huge stack of paper was set in front of him. "It's budget time!" That made his attention sharpen in horror. Budget? "You helped me so well last time I know you can handle it~ It's due in four days!" She fluttered her eyelashes and vanished before he could create a coherent protest.

"Budget?" He echoed before staring at the papers. "I – I can't…" He'd barely survived assisting her. That process had been agonizing for him, as he struggled to learn math at the same time as he helped her do the budget for the entire unit. And now she expected him to do it by himself? "…I can't…" Technically, he had the skills to do it. But he was slow with math, so very slow. He had to check everything twice or he made stupid mistakes and that put the whole thing off. "H-How…?" Swallowing hard, Starrk tried to figure out what to do. "Four days?" Why had she given it to him so late? Reaching up to rub his forehead, he attempted to form a strategy.

Sleep was completely out. He would have to devote every moment he had to the atrocity that had been dumped in his lap. Starrk made a snap decision and even though he knew it was against every rule and his taichou would take him to task for it, he left to go to the local sake seller. He wouldn't be using it to sleep, just to take the edge off his nerves. He also picked up the strongest black tea he could find. It wasn't much, but it might help.

He sat at his desk before breaking the seal on a bottle of sake and tilting the bottle back. He drank almost the whole thing, tossing the jar into the trash before he began sorting through the papers. Typically, they were completely out of order. First he would need to arrange them, put them into sections. Starrk remembered that from last time. Matsumoto hadn't seemed to think it was necessary, but for him things went much faster if he had a logic to his efforts.

If he had to do this at all, he was going to do it his way.

* * *

Two days later.

Starrk's hands trembled as he drank back the tea, treating it like hard alcohol. His nerves were completely shot but he couldn't drink the sake anymore. If he did, he would pass out and fall even more behind.

There was no way he was going to get the budget done in time. It was impossible. And if it was bad to be late with his own work, how much worse would it be to fail at the fukutaichou's assignments? She had made it clear to him that his own work was less important than the things she gave him. Would he be given back to the painted man? Starrk's breath came short at the thought. He would much rather die. Could he ask them to kill him? Beg for forgiveness, offer to do anything his taichou wanted? But what could he offer? In Los Noches he might have offered carnal favors but surely Hitsugaya taichou wouldn't want that from him…?

Resting his forehead in his hand, he closed his eyes for a moment. Should he keep working until the deadline or face his fate now? Swallowing hard, he decided that now was better. There was no point in working himself to death when he just couldn't finish.

Wavering a bit on his feet, he went to go find his taichou. He was in his office, working on his own paperwork. Matsumoto-fukutaichou wasn't there, which he was grateful for. She would find out about his failure and punish him, of course, but she couldn't send him back to the painted taichou. He hoped.

"Taichou-sama…" Starrk almost lost his nerve as Toshiro looked up with a cold frown. He was always so forbidding, despite his appearance, and Starrk remembered how he had defeated Halibel. It would be no effort at all for the small taichou to destroy him, now. "I – I cannot complete my work." The frown turned into a scowl and Starrk fell to his knees, taking the most submissive posture he could in his humanoid form… his forehead on the floor in a full obeisance. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. The budget, it just takes too much time, I can't finish…" He hadn't even started his own work. That should have been done yesterday. He didn't look up as he felt Hitsugaya stand and walk to his side. He did brace himself for pain, expecting a kick, or worse. Would he be slain out of hand for his failure? That might be a relief…

"Starrk, why are you working on the budget?" His taichou's tone was surprisingly neutral. "I do not recall Matsumoto asking for your help." He said and Starrk glanced up cautiously. His taichou was looking at him with an expression he couldn't read. He didn't seem angry, at least.

"Matsumoto-sama gave it to me two days ago, taichou-sama. I'm sorry. I'm not fast enough." He said, knowing it was true. He was poor at math. "I – I have not done my other work at all. I'm sorry… please, just a few more days…" If he only had a week he could finish. He would have to sleep at least once, but he could do it.

"Starrk, you shouldn't be doing the budget at all." Starrk swallowed, looking at the floor. He did not expect that to gain him any mercy. "How much work had been done when Matsumoto gave it to you?"

"Er… none." Starrk said truthfully and cringed a little at the following silence. "It is less than half-done…" He offered weakly, glancing up. Toshiro was staring at him with that odd look.

"How long has this been happening?" He asked and Starrk wasn't sure what he meant. He saw that, and amplified on his question. "How long has Rangiku been giving you work on top of your regular duties?"

"Oh. Um…" He had to think. How long had it been? "After I helped her with the budget the first time?" That had been three weeks after he'd been placed in their custody. "She told me I must finish those reports first." He said, unsure if any of this would help him. It sounded like Matsumoto might be doing something she shouldn't, giving him her work, but she could make his life incredibly miserable if she chose. There was a sharp inhale of breath from his taichou.

"I see. Starrk, please bring me the budget. I will see to it. Then… no. You can rest here, in my quarters." He commanded and Starrk blinked, shocked by the order. Toshiro had a small sleeping quarters on site, for when things were very busy or otherwise required his presence. "You look like you haven't slept for days."

"I haven't." Starrk said honestly and looked down as he felt an angered edge in his icy reiatsu. "I'm sorry…" Although he wasn't sure what he was apologizing for. A hand went down on his shoulder.

"It's not your fault. Get the budget." He said and Starrk nodded quickly before pushing himself to his feet. He felt very faint, mostly with relief. Going to his office he carefully gathered the report, keeping it in the order he had used. His taichou would probably see the logic. He also snagged a bottle of sake, sliding it into his pocket. He would still need it to sleep. Right now he was exhausted enough to fall asleep but without it, he would suffer nightmares. A single bottle might not be enough, but he couldn't hide more than that. It would have to do.

He carefully set the budget down beside the desk. It was a low, Japanese style desk, and he did not want to disturb anything. Toshiro picked up the page on top, perusing it for a moment. Starrk saw his lips tighten before he nodded sharply.

"This way…" He found himself shown to the taichou's quarters. It was just a simple sleep mat, really, but a finely made one. Starrk preferred pillows but he was willing to take anything at the moment.

"Thank you." He said gratefully before removing his shoes. He didn't bother with anything else, letting himself settle into the bed. He waited until Toshiro was gone, though, to swallow the rest of the sake. Hopefully, it would be enough to keep him from dreaming.

* * *

" _Lilynette?" Starrk tried to find her. She wasn't in his head and it was so dark, he felt blind… "Lilynette?!" She was in danger. Somehow, he was sure of it. He had to find her, he had to…_

_Then the light almost blinded him. It was a spotlight? What…?_

" _Ah, Espada-san. I wondered when you would wake up." No. No! Not that man, it couldn't be him… but it was. The way he smiled, the paint and gold on his face… Starrk couldn't help the whimper that escaped him. "I can't wait to see how she compares to you…" Then he saw the form that was strapped to the table illuminated by the light, so pale and still. He started to struggle, trying to reach her, but suddenly he could feel the straps biting into his arms._

" _Lilynette! NO!" The painted taichou laughed and reached for a scalpel. "LILYNETTE!"_

* * *

"Lilynette…?" Starrk blinked, feeling not the bite of straps but a hand on his shoulder. The panic burned in his mind but gradually began to fade as he registered the face above him.

"You seemed to be having a nightmare. I thought it would be best to wake you." His taichou explained and Starrk nodded, speechless. Thankfully, that particular dream had never happened. Lilynette had died in the battle, absorbed back into his soul collection to keep him alive. "You've slept almost sixteen hours." That made him wince. That was much too long, although reasonable given his exhausted state. "Come with me." He said and Starrk nodded cautiously before pulling himself up. He quickly pulled on his shoes before following his taichou.

It was early the next day and, to his surprise, there was breakfast for two on his taichou's table. Starrk hesitated but Hitsugaya gestured for him to sit. He did so, gazing at the food curiously. He wasn't sure what it was, precisely, but it seemed liquidy and there was a spoon, which was fairly self-explanatory. He picked up the tool and cautiously sampled it. It had very little flavor that he could detect.

"You can put toppings on your congee." Toshiro said and Starrk looked over the other bowls. He had no idea what the things inside them were. He decided to just imitate his taichou and put in a fried thing, along with some green bits and some reddish bits. That did improve the flavor quite a bit, especially the red things. They were meat? Salty and fatty. "Starrk… I want to apologize. I should have been watching Matsumoto more closely."

"…There is nothing to apologize for, taichou-sama." Starrk said, feeling mildly alarmed. Apologize? In his experience, the powerful did not apologize. Aizen would have buried anyone who showed him to be in the wrong, not apologized to them. The same thing went double for Barragan and it even applied to Halibel. The only real exception had been… himself. But he was strange, everyone had said so.

"Yes, there is. I thought you were slacking and I didn't listen when you…" Toshiro shook his head and Starrk looked at the table. He honestly hadn't expected the small taichou to remember his weak protest, near the beginning. "I wondered how Matsumoto was getting her work done, but I didn't look into it. I was just glad to finally have her reports on time." He sounded angry, but not with Starrk. With himself? It seemed like a very strange reaction to the arrancar. "I should have noticed the writing."

"It is fine. I only worry about my position." He said hurriedly and Hitsugaya gave him a questioning look. "With Matsumoto-sama. I… cannot…" He could not resist her if she chose to end his life. A flicker of disbelief crossed the taichou's face before fading into something unreadable.

"She will not harm you, Starrk-san." He said after a moment. "Please, eat." Starrk blinked as he realized he'd been ignoring the food and took another bite. It was oddly comforting, eating things. Not that he could afford to get in the habit of it. "I know you're not living in the barracks. Where are you staying?"

"Er… a small flat in the Subaki district." That was within the Seireitei. Starrk wished he could have gotten a place in the Rukongai, but that could not be. Without any use of sonido, he needed to be relatively close to the Division. It was still an hour long walk, one way. He could jog it faster, though, and often did.

"That must be expensive on your salary. How large is it?" Toshiro asked and Starrk hesitated. Large?

"Roughly half the size of this room." From the startled look on his face, his taichou had not expected that. Starrk spoke again, feeling a touch defensive. "I don't need much space. I only sleep there." The rest of his life was spent at the Division. Sleep, work. It was a simple if unpleasant existence.

They chatted for perhaps a half-hour, mostly his taichou trying to find out more about him. For Starrk, it was puzzling and unnerving. He couldn't imagine why Hitsugaya would bother, unless… but that was ridiculous. None of the shinigami had shown much interest in him in a carnal sense, which was mostly a relief. He had no desire to be forced into sexual slavery on top of his current trials.

He was finally able to escape and go back to his work. It had been left undone for too long, he desperately needed to finish. Although at least he might not have to worry about receiving extra assignments for a while. He hoped so, at least. Sitting at his desk, he picked up a paper and soon immersed himself in work.

Starrk was no longer willing to believe that anything good could happen to him.


	2. Chapter 2

"Oh taichou, do I have to –"

"Matsumoto!" Toshiro snapped at his slacking fukutaichou. She pouted, trying to use her feminine wiles. He completely ignored it. "You caused this with your procrastinating. Get to work! And never give Starrk an assignment again without bringing it to me first!"

"He never said anything!" She protested, which he was grimly certain was true. But did she realize why? Probably not. Matsumoto likely thought Starrk was blinded by her beauty, like all the men she'd charmed into doing her work. It was a common pattern for her. Find a new recruit, usually an impressionable young man, and pawn her work off on him until he got frustrated and told her off. Usually that took a week or two, a month at the most.

Starrk had taken it longer than anyone Toshiro had ever heard of, and he was grimly certain he knew why. He remembered how the arrancar had looked when he'd admitted he couldn't finish. The deep circles under his eyes, the exhaustion in his bearing, the fear that was almost tangible in its strength. He'd never seen a subordinate act that way before and hoped to never see it again.

_This is my fault._ He thought about it as he applied himself to the budget, helping Rangiku with her work. He hadn't been paying enough attention to Coyote Starrk. And he had to admit, if only to himself, that it was partly because he just wanted the arrancar to disappear.

It was not Coyote Starrk's fault that Ukitake taichou had died in the final battle of the Winter War. But there was no doubt he had contributed and if Juushiro had not been busy facing him, he might have noticed that Wonderweiss creature before it was too late. And it was not his fault that Kyoraku Shunsui was still in a coma from the wounds dealt to him by Aizen. But perhaps, if he had not been so badly weakened by Starrk, he wouldn't be in such a state.

Those were not the only deaths and injuries connected to the Winter War, but they were the worst. And both those men had been very popular, which did not make Starrk popular at all. Toshiro knew he'd been more than punished by his stay with Mayuri and tried to treat him fairly, but it was a struggle. He'd mostly ignored the arrancar, letting the man do his work as best he could. Now he realized he couldn't do that. Coyote Starrk was trying to hide it but Toshiro was sure he was struggling with life in the Seireitei. What had happened with Matsumoto was a sign of it.

It took almost the entire two days, but he and Rangiku finally finished the budget. Starrk's work was handed in and Toshiro looked it over, approving of the neat handwriting. Starrk's work had only been late, never substandard.

With that done, Toshiro decided it was time to begin his next duty. He wasn't too keen on it, but he'd never been one to shirk his responsibilities. And like it or not, Coyote Starrk was his responsibility.

He would take care of the man as best he could.

* * *

Starrk was not expecting his taichou to visit his 'home.'

With less work to do, Starrk was able to spend more time taking walks in the Division grounds. He was not too afraid to do that… he was not the only one with a healthy dread of Hitsugaya taichou and no one was willing to start a fight in the Division. He was sometimes forced to do various chores for random shinigami, but Starrk did not particularly mind. Sweeping the hallways was still a relief from the paperwork.

He did not take walks in his neighborhood, though. That was a prime area for ambush and he treated everything between the Division and his apartment as enemy territory. His apartment seemed to be safe, for now at least. Starrk did not take that for granted but there was little he could do if someone chose to break the door down. He did hope no one would do so. It would hurt, having his safe haven defiled.

He most certainly was not expecting a knock at the door, just after he'd opened a bottle of sake. Hesitating, he set the bottle aside and went to see who it was, honestly expecting to find that it was a mistake. His eyes widened as he saw Hitsugaya taichou.

"Starrk. Can I come in?" Toshiro asked and Starrk hesitated before nodding, opening the door and stepping back. Hitsugaya took a step inside and Starrk saw his eyes fall on the mess in the corner of the room. It was a heap of discarded sake bottles, waiting to be taken the trash bin and Starrk cringed a bit inside. If he'd had any idea his taichou would come to his residence, he would have gotten rid of the evidence of his weakness. "…This is where you live?" His gaze traveled over the rest of the furnishings as Starrk shut the door.

"Yes. I do not require much." He said, just a touch defensively. He knew it was bad. The rooms shinigami were given in the barracks included a sleeping mat, a wardrobe and a small desk. They were small but serviceable. What he had here was a sleeping mat, nothing else. The area was even smaller than a room in the barracks and he was paying a great deal for it. Toshiro's gaze lingered on the empty bottles before he looked at him.

"Starrk, how much are you drinking?" He asked and Starrk wasn't sure what to say. Should he lie? But he did not know what kind of answer Hitsugaya was looking for. "Tell me the truth." There was a waft of that icy reiatsu and Starrk winced.

"Three bottles a night." He admitted, wishing he could ask his taichou to leave. But he knew better. He had no power which meant he had no rights. If Toshiro wished, he could force him down onto that sleeping mat and… Starrk shivered a little at the thought. He was a little surprised no one had done that to him yet. He thought it was merely a matter of time. "It helps me sleep." He offered weakly and saw Toshiro rub his forehead. Why did that bother him?

"Have you gone to the Fourth for this?" He asked and Starrk just looked at him in bewilderment.

"No, I… am not injured." They tended to those who were injured. Drinking heavily was merely a choice. Not a good one, perhaps, but a choice.

"Starrk, injuries come in many forms. Kurotsuchi's attentions have sometimes driven his own men insane, let alone his… test subjects." Toshiro said and Starrk could not help but flinch. That hit far too close to the bone. "Do I need to order you to go to the Fourth?"

"Taichou-sama, it is too long of a walk." He said with a deep bow, keeping his body language as subservient as possible. "I could not complete that and my duties…" Without any shunpo or sonido, it would take him almost three hours a day, coming and going, just to reach the Fourth.

"You will be given time off from your duties. And it won't be every day. The healers will set up a schedule with you." His taichou told him and Starrk could only accept that. He desperately didn't want to do this – how vulnerable would he be on his travels? – but there was no choice. "What is wrong?" Toshiro was frowning at him and Starrk hesitated. Should he tell him the truth? He quickly decided against it.

"Nothing, taichou-sama. When should I begin?" He asked, resigned.

"Tomorrow." Hitsugaya said before glancing around again. Then he shook his head before sweeping out and Starrk could feel an oddly troubled edge to his reiatsu. He wasn't sure why but he carefully locked the door before settling on his cushion and reaching for his jar of sake. At least, if something happened on his way to the Fourth, he would have healers to patch him up. A bitter smile twitched at the corners of his lips.

As far as bright sides went, that one stunk worse than Yammy in the showers. But he would take what he could get.

* * *

Fortunately, no one tried to ambush him the next day.

Starrk knew that wouldn't last. Eventually, his new routine would become known and then he would be in danger. For now, though, it should be safe enough. He did not lower his guard though. Even hiding his mask fragment and hole with a scarf, someone might recognize him and take exception.

He arrived at the Fourth without incident and fortunately, they were expecting him. Starrk was unsure how to explain what he needed, since he wasn't sure what was wrong in the first place. Yes, he couldn't sleep properly. But that was a personal weakness, not something that required fixing. However would you go about fixing such a thing anyway?

It seemed he was going to find out. Starrk struggled to remain calm as he was shown to Unohana Retsu's office. The low, Japanese style table had a tea set already out. She gestured to him to take a seat and he did, settling into the cushion and watching warily as she poured them some tea.

"Hitsugaya taichou spoke to me about you, Starrk-san. Could you tell me, in your own words, why you think you are here?" She asked before gesturing at the tea. Starrk picked it up and took a sip, not really tasting it.

"I… am not certain, taichou-sama." He said after a moment as she sipped her tea. "I am not sleeping well and I drink too much sake but I am not certain why this requires attention." That part was very strange. He just wanted to hide his weakness, as much as possible.

"What is causing problems with your sleep, Starrk-san?" Unohana asked and Starrk hesitated. He really didn't want to go there but…

"I have bad dreams, taichou-sama." He said after a moment. "The sake… if I drink enough, I do not dream." He'd noticed it was taking more, though. Soon he thought he would be up to four jars.

"Please, call me taichou-san or Unohana-san." She said and Starrk nodded cautiously. Although not calling her master would not change what she was to him. "What do you dream of?"

"I…" He'd known that question was coming but it did not make it any easier to answer. "I… dream of that man… mostly…" Surely she understood what he meant. She nodded, to his relief. "Those dreams are painful and terrifying… Sometimes I dream of battle…" The battle with the man in pink. What was his name again? Starrk couldn't remember… oh. Kyoraku, that was it. "Sometimes I dream of Hueco Mundo…" Those were the only pleasant dreams, in a way. He dreamed of sitting with Lilinette in the sands, lost in their eternal loneliness. And when he awoke, he felt a painful longing for those days, when his soul was whole and he did not understand how much pain his body and heart could hold. "The other Espada…" Those were pleasant dreams, too. Talking to those who were not himself, but without the need for constant fear… but then he woke up and remembered that they were all dead. "I do not see what can be done." That was what he truly did not understand.

"Starrk-san, have you ever heard of therapy?" She asked and he nodded. "What do you know of it?"

"When someone is badly injured, sometimes the body stiffens while healing and must be helped to regain fluidity." He answered. "It rarely happens to arrancar because of our healing factors, but it can occur." He said and Unohana smiled slightly before sipping her tea.

"That is physical therapy. Have you ever heard of mental therapy?" She asked and he just stared, unsure what she meant. "When someone's mind is badly injured, they sometimes require help to overcome the effects. Nightmares are common after a traumatic incident."

"…Hn." He said, for lack of anything better to say. They treated nightmares like a physical injury? How? She smiled at him with an edge of sympathy.

"Mental injuries are the most difficult to overcome. But we will help you, Starrk-san. I cannot see you myself but my fukutaichou will make time for you." That was a slight relief. Starrk really did not want to attract more attention than necessary. Dealing with a taichou regularly would be less than comfortable. Although he found the whole concept of treating mental injuries bewildering. What would it consist of? "Let me introduce her to you. Her name is Kotetsu Isane…" That made Starrk cringe a little and Unohana noticed. "Is something wrong?"

"Not… really." He just remembered another girl named Kotetsu. She had screamed at him, something about the white haired taichou, before punching him in the face and breaking his nose. That incident had been one of the ones that had taught him how weak and helpless he was, now. Unohana stared at him patiently and Starrk bit his lip. "I know someone else by that name…" He said reluctantly and Unohana's expression seemed to dim.

"Kiyone… she is Isane's sister. Don't worry, Starrk-san. Isane will help you." She assured him and he nodded his acceptance. Soon he was being introduced to the woman with the silvery hair. To his slight surprise, they were exactly the same height. That made her extremely tall for a shinigami woman and Starrk found it rather pleasant, not having to look down. Soon, Unohana left them alone and his 'therapy' began.

"The first thing we need to talk about is your symptoms. Hitsugaya taichou mentioned nightmares, but is there anything else?" Isane asked as she poured them some tea. Starrk rested his elbows on the table, watching her emotionlessly.

"Nothing I find troubling." He said and she frowned a little at him as she set out the teacups.

"I can only help you if I know what is wrong, Starrk-san. Would you say you have changed in some way?" She persisted and Starrk gazed into his tea for a moment before picking it up and taking a sip.

"Of course." He said before resting a hand on his chest, over his hollow hole. "I have lost part of my soul. I will never be the same." He could hear the dull resignation in his voice. She hesitated a moment – no doubt she understood that she was prodding a great wound – but then persisted.

"How would you say that has changed you?" She asked and Starrk closed his eyes for a moment before doing his best.

"I require less sleep." He was sure that was because Lilynette had been his more energetic, motivated side, and now she was returned to him. "However, I do not… feel, as strongly." That seemed odd to him. Lilynette had been quite emotional. "I do not take joy." He said dully. It was strange to think of, but it was true. In Los Noches he'd sometimes wandered around, seeing and marveling at things. He could remember going to Szayel's wing one time and just standing in front of the beakers full of funny liquids and thinking how pretty they were. Even in Hueco Mundo he would sometimes just gaze at the moon and admire the beauty. Now he was in Soul Society and surrounded by things he vaguely knew were beautiful, but they did not reach him. "I sometimes have difficulty concentrating." He often just stared at pages, not seeing them as his mind seemed to go blank. That was part of what made him slow at his work, although he just worked later to make up for it. Isane nodded.

"I understand. I think we can help you. The first stage to your recovery is to become comfortable again." Again? Starrk had never been comfortable here. Kotetsu continued, oblivious to his thoughts. "We will reestablish a feeling of safety and control…" Starrk had to hold back a laugh. Safety and control? He was not safe in any way, shape or form. As for control, the idea was laughable. He had no control over his life in his current state. He would not, until the reiatsu limiters were removed. And that would likely never happen.

Starrk listened patiently, not telling the woman how hopeless her task truly was. Perhaps he was wrong. Perhaps they could create some illusion of safety, some semblance of control. He very much doubted it, though. Eventually he was allowed to leave and he began the long walk home, eyes carefully moving from side to side as he traveled. The ingrained wariness made him smile, sadly.

Whatever Isane might say, he did not think he would ever feel safe among shinigami.

* * *

Toshiro frowned as he looked at Starrk's paperwork.

The handwriting was shaky, legible but not the well-formed, neat letters he was used to. There was also a small stain on the paper. Scratching it with a fingertip, he looked at the rusty color dubiously. It almost looked like blood. Suddenly concerned for the arrancar, he stood and went to go find him. He knocked on the door before opening it, letting himself in.

As soon as Starrk looked up from his work, Toshiro knew something was very wrong. His expression was one of carefully hidden pain and just the way he moved his head looked like it hurt. His gaze traveled over the mans' face, noticing the rice makeup the man had applied in an attempt to hide the bruises. It was reasonably successful and he suddenly wondered. How much practice did Starrk have at covering up such things?

He was moving to the man before he thought about it, gripping his chin and tilting his head to get a better look. Starrk flinched and tried to pull away but Toshiro fixed him with a stern gaze, letting just a touch of his reiatsu flicker through the room. Starrk went still in his grip, his face completely blank as Toshiro surveyed the damage. Up close, they looked very ugly beneath the paste. And he noticed that Starrk was wearing a customized uniform. There was nothing unusual in that, but his current version was extremely concealing, with a heavy scarf and even gloves.

"What happened?" He demanded, letting go of Starrk's chin. The arrancar just looked at his desk.

"Nothing important, taichou-sama." He said and his voice sounded empty and dead. Toshiro's eyes narrowed as he looked at him.

"I will be the judge of that. Tell me what happened." He demanded, prepared to hear that Starrk had been injured in a bar fight or other altercation. His eyes widened a bit, though, as he heard what had happened.

"It occurred when I was returning from the Fourth…" Starrk emotionlessly related the ambush. The arrancar had almost escaped, but been overcome by his enemies' speed. Toshiro's lips tightened as he listened. It seemed particularly grotesque, that Starrk had been harmed on his way back from the healing Division.

"Did you know any of them?" He asked and saw the way Starrk's eyes moved before he shook his head. The man really was a very poor liar. "Starrk. Tell me the truth." He let another hint of his reiatsu color the air and saw Starrk flinch before sloping his shoulders and hunching up in a submissive manner. Toshiro frowned at the body language. Another thing he'd never seen before in a subordinate.

"It will not help, taichou-sama." Starrk said, bowing his head and Toshiro blinked at him. Not help?

"What do you mean? They will be brought up on charges." Assaulting a helpless man like this… Starrk was supposed to be being given a chance to prove himself. How could he do that if he was being harmed like this? The arrancar lifted his head for just a moment, a look of disbelief flashing across his face before he dropped his gaze.

"Justice is a lie. It is merely a construct for the powerful, to give the illusion of fairness to keep the weak in their place." Starrk said in a dull tone and Toshiro stared at him. He'd hardly heard the arrancar venture an opinion about the weather, let alone something so… deep. "Justice does not truly exist for those who are weak or poor or powerless. It will always favor those who hold power. And even if the poor man does win in the court of law, he will live to regret it in the court of reality. It will only make things worse, taichou-sama. Please, do not try to help me." He sounded so drained, so empty. Toshiro wanted to reach out and shake him but held himself back. It would likely hurt him at the moment.

"Where did you learn that? Hueco Mundo?" He asked instead and Starrk shook his head.

"No. Hollows have no laws at all. For them, might makes right. I know this from what I recall of the Living World." He said and Toshiro blinked. It had never occurred to him that the arrancar might remember something of being human. "And I spoke with Tosen about it, once. He told me that I may be correct but that does not mean we should accept it. He told me he dreamed of a true justice, untainted by wealth and power…" Starrk paused for a moment before shaking his head. "It does not matter. It will never be. I am sorry, taichou-sama. I will try to avoid trouble in the future."

"Starrk…" How could he deal with this? Something had to be done. The arrancar couldn't just 'avoid trouble'. Trouble would find him, unless they did something to prevent it. "You are a member of my Division. I will take care of you." He said firmly and Starrk raised his eyes, a look of surprise on his face. "Tell me who did this and I will deal with it." He met Starrk's gaze and the arrancar scanned his face, as if he was searching for something. Toshiro just held firm, letting his reiatsu fill with his conviction. Starrk looked very fragile in that moment, terribly uncertain. Then the moment passed as the arrancar's expression dulled with resignation.

"Very well…" Starrk's voice lacked any hope, but he gave him the names of the shinigami he'd recognized. They were all from the Thirteenth Division and Toshiro rubbed his face for a moment. It seemed an incredibly poor way to honor Juushiro's memory, by tormenting a man who'd only been doing his duty as he saw it. He knew Ukitake would never have wanted this. No, he would have forgiven Starrk for his part in his death.

"I will talk to Abarai taichou and speak to the others about this." He said. Renji was in charge of the Thirteenth now, promoted to take Juushiro's place. Perhaps Starrk was right and formal charges were not the best way to handle this. He would see what could be done informally first. Starrk nodded, his expression resigned. "For now, I will have someone fetch a healer for you." That would be easier than carrying Starrk to the Fourth, and walking was out of the question.

"Thank you, taichou-sama. I appreciate it." Starrk said softly and Toshiro sensed something odd behind his words, something strange in the expression on his face. But he had his duties and there was no time to puzzle it out. Leaving the room, he missed Starrk watching him go with a thoughtful expression.

But there was no way for him to know what was going through Starrk's mind, so perhaps it was just as well.


	3. Chapter 3

Starrk licked his lips, tasting the vile alcohol as he stared up at the ceiling.

Letting the bottle drop to the floor, he closed his eyes for a moment. He was considering doing something, making a bid for protection. It was something he hadn't really considered seriously until now. After all, he had very little to offer to any shinigami. But there was… one thing. The thought made him cringe inside, but he was finally willing to face the thought.

The only thing he had to trade was his body and if he was smart, he would move to do it soon. Starrk reached up to rub his eyes, feeling the slightest touch of wetness. It hurt, going from everything to nothing.

The question was, who could he approach with this offer? Matsumoto, he rejected instantly. From what he could tell she considered herself to be highly desirable and would likely interpret his offer as a favor to HIM. She might protect him in return for his taking over her work, but that price was simply too high. Starrk never wanted to see a budget again. For a brief moment he considered the seated officers before dismissing them. He needed someone with enough power and position to protect him and they were just not strong enough. A fukutaichou or a taichou was needed.

Would Hitsugaya want him? Starrk chewed his lower lip for a moment before shaking his head. Toshiro looked like a child and just the thought of it made him a bit queasy. Also, he thought he would be rejected very quickly. Still… maybe he could try if none of his other targets were amenable. His taichou had already indicated some willingness to protect him, at least.

Who else could he approach, though? The Soutaichou was out. That man terrified Starrk. The two surviving Visored were completely out. They hated him for killing their two friends. He really hadn't meant to but his wolves were very strong. The small, intense woman… he might try. She was quite forbidding, but they all were really.

Starrk mentally ran through all the prospects, deciding which ones he would try and which he would not. The hard part was not knowing much about them. Who would find him attractive? Who would treat him kindly and who would not? Things could get worse. Being chained to a difficult, cruel master… that would be worse than his current existence.

Sighing, he reached for his bottle of sake. He still needed them to sleep. Starrk wasn't sure the therapy was helping, but Isane told him it was a slow process. He would just have to endure.

There was really nothing else he could do.

* * *

Starrk didn't really mean to approach Soi Fon first. But his selections were partially governed by convenience – he had to walk everywhere – and he happened to spot her one day in his own Division. Very convenient.

Sort of.

"TAICHOU!" Starrk stared as the big man accompanying her went flying. Wasn't he supposed to be her closest subordinate? Then the tiny woman caught him looking and turned to glare at him.

"What do you want, arrancar?" She made his race into a sneer and Starrk swallowed before blinking.

"I, uh… nothing." And he quickly hurried away, eliciting a snort from the woman. Starrk was just grateful to escape intact.

This had been an awful idea.

* * *

The next on his list was Isane. She was a fukutaichou. In the healing Division, which was a negative, but still quite powerful. And he was bound to go to the Fourth twice a week so it would at least be easy to broach the topic with her.

Unfortunately, his oblique inquiries were met with a very firm refusal.

"We cannot become involved, Starrk-san." The light blush on her cheeks and the way she looked at him made him think she did not mind the idea, though. "It would compromise your therapy. I need to remain objective so I can help you."

"…Ah." Starrk rubbed his beard, thinking about it. He could see how it might be a problem. Perhaps he should approach Unohana? He almost asked Isane but then thought better of it. Asking a woman for advice on approaching another woman just after he'd asked her… that seemed like the sort of thing he might get hit for. "I'm no good at this." Starrk muttered to himself. This was human interactions, the kind of thing he hadn't been able to do in Los Noches, even if he'd wanted to. And while he'd gained some skill among the shinigami this was the slipperiest kind, the most likely to give offense.

"You'll get better. It must be a great culture shock, coming here from Hueco Mundo." She said encouragingly and Starrk nodded. They had already somewhat gone into that. His life as a hollow had been of interest to her.

He had no opportunity to approach Unohana that day, so on his way home he made a detour. Starrk was very unsure about his current target. But of all the taichou, Zaraki Kenpachi seemed the most like a hollow to him. Surely he would at least understand the offer and what went along with it? As it turned out, he did. But that wasn't very helpful.

"Yeah, I see what you're up to there. Too many enemies, nothin' to fight 'em off with. But I'm not into guys." He said with a feral grin and Starrk swallowed hard before taking his courage into his hands.

"Do you know anyone who would be, taichou-sama?" He asked tentatively and the man stared at him for a moment. Then he grinned again, with a wicked edge.

"Yeah. You know that guy with the pretty face and the long black hair? He might be into you." He said and Starrk felt a moment of relief. It was so good to have a concrete direction. Flailing about blindly in the dark was just so difficult.

"Thank you, taichou-sama." He bowed before making his escape. He entirely missed Kenpachi's laughter, and probably would have thought nothing of it if he'd heard.

That a nasty joke might be played on him didn't occur to Starrk at all.

* * *

Three days later, though, he somewhat figured it out.

He'd made the long trip to the Sixth Division, on foot. It was dangerous to venture so far out of the areas he knew, but he had no choice if he wanted to speak to Kuchiki taichou. He'd never come to Hitsugaya's Division that he could remember.

It took him some time to find the man, without any kind of reiatsu sensing. He even asked a few of the shinigami, as submissively as possible. Finally, though, he found the man standing beside a pond? It was very beautiful, with little bushes around it. His own Division had nothing like it and Starrk wondered why they were so different. Putting that thought aside, he bowed low as Kuchiki taichou turned to look at him.

"Taichou-sama." He murmured, making his tone gentle and persuasive. At least, he hoped so. He really wasn't very good at this. "May I have a word with you?" Starrk could read nothing in the man's grey eyes and empty face, which unnerved him slightly. He was used to those who wore their feelings on their sleeves. Well, except for Ulquiorra. But surely a shinigami would have emotions?

"Speak, arrancar." That was not a great start and Starrk hesitated a moment before persevering.

"I would like to make you an… offer." Starrk murmured, looking down for a moment before looking up through his lashes in a seductive manner. "I am in need of assistance. My flat… it is very expensive and difficult to defend. It would be much better if I could live in someone else's quarters." That was how fraccion lived, sharing the den of their Espada. "I have no power to offer you, no skill on the battlefield – " Well, that wasn't entirely correct. He was still very skilled but it was meaningless without any sonido. "But I can still provide entertainment." Hopefully with his pleasure, not his pain. Although if the pain was not terrible, he would accept it. Starrk waited hopefully for what the man would say –

The sudden agony was completely unexpected. Starrk couldn't even follow the slash that opened his body from his left shoulder all the way down to his right hip. A ragged gasp left his lips as Starrk pressed his right arm against his body, staggering back. Starrk could not taste blood in his mouth and knew the wound was shallow, but it had bisected his hollow hole. That was agonizingly painful. What had he…?

"You dare to say such a thing to me?" Cold sharpness pressed against his throat and Starrk swallowed, feeling sick. He could see something in the man's eyes now… anger, almost rage. "Filth. Do you think any shinigami would touch you, _arrancar?_ " The utter disdain, the disgust the man felt towards his very nature, was clear. Starrk closed his eyes and mentally prepared for death. He didn't want to die but… perhaps, just perhaps, he would see Lilynette again. "Get out of my sight." Then the sword was gone, to his surprise. Starrk opened his eyes and managed to bow.

"Hai… taichou… sama…" He whispered, managing to back away without falling over, keeping his arm tight to his body. His robes were very badly damaged. Briefly, he was glad for the color. At least the black would not show the blood too plainly, although as he walked away he vaguely noted that he was leaving behind quite a blood trail. Pausing, he tore strips off his clothing and tried to staunch the worst of it. This uniform was going to be ruined anyway. The simple tasks kept his mind off the shock, the despair he felt in the back of his mind.

Why did everything he tried seem to always go wrong?

* * *

"Matsumoto. Where is Starrk-san?" Hitsugaya asked his fukutaichou. She was sipping a bit of tea and eating sushi, taking a break from her work. The kind of work she actually enjoyed… all morning, she had been patrolling some of the mid-numbered districts and purifying hollows.

"Starrk-san? Oh, um…" She pressed a finger against her lower lip in a way that would have made Shuuhei blush. Toshiro was just impatient. "I'm not sure. I don't think I've seen him today. Is something wrong?" Toshiro frowned at the innocent inquiry, glancing out the window for a moment.

"…Yes. He's not in his office and I cannot find him in the Division. No one seems to have seen him." That was very strange. Starrk normally could be counted on to arrive at the exact same time every morning. "I wanted to give him some tasks." Now that Matsumoto was shouldering her own work again, he was finding that Starrk was far more useful than he'd initially thought. The arrancar was not the fastest, but he was very persistent and willing to work.

"Oh? That is very strange. I wonder if he's sick?" Matsumoto said and Toshiro shook his head. He was fairly sure arrancar didn't get sick. Then he paused. They could certainly be injured. And Starrk couldn't even send a hell butterfly to alert anyone to his wounds.

"I am going out. Send me a hell butterfly if there are any problems." He said shortly before quickly departing, going to Starrk's apartment. When he arrived, the door was locked and there was no sign of anything amiss. A quick probe of his reiatsu, though, revealed an extremely weak signature inside the flat. It was hard to detect Starrk at all, with the collar and wristbands in the way, but it was possible if he was close enough. Frowning, he knocked on the door, fully expecting the arrancar to let him in. There was no response. "Starrk?" He called, but there was no sign of movement. He knocked on the door harder. "Starrk!" Still nothing. "Starrk, if you do not let me in I will break the door down." And he would have it repaired himself, but Coyote Starrk did not know that. Still nothing. Scowling, he smashed the door with a quick kido spell. Stepping over the wreckage, he gazed over the room for a moment.

The first thing he saw was the bloodstained, ragged remains of a uniform, lying on the floor. The blood on it was old and dried, flaking off onto the wooden planks. The second thing he saw was the arrancar. Starrk was almost naked, wearing nothing but black boxers and heavy white bandages across his chest, all the way to his hips. From the messy look of them, Starrk had tied them himself. They were stained with blood and Toshiro could easily trace the wound. The third thing he saw was the sake bottles. They were scattered around the pallet Starrk laid on and his lips tightened at the sight. This wasn't drinking for amusement, this was a desperate attempt to dull the pain. Summoning a hell butterfly, he sent an urgent message to the Fourth. Then he knelt beside the man, gently touching his shoulder.

"Starrk?" He carefully shook the arrancar. There was a soft moan and grey eyes opened, hazy and unfocused. Then Starrk blinked and focused on him, looking puzzled for a moment. Then his expression settled into an empty mask.

"Taichou-sama?" Starrk tried to sit up but Toshiro held him down. "I… am late?" He asked and Hitsugaya nodded. "I am sorry. I can…" He tried to move again and Toshiro fixed him with a scowl.

"You can wait. There is a healer coming. What happened?" He asked and there was a brief pause as Starrk thought about his response. "Tell me the truth." He knew the arrancar was thinking about lying. He could see it in the way his eyes went to the side, his body tensed. Grey eyes turned towards him and he was struck by the weariness in them.

"I gave offense. I will attempt to do better in the future, taichou-sama." Starrk said quietly and Toshiro had to fight to control his temper. Why couldn't the arrancar understand?!

"It is never appropriate to hurt someone so badly when they did not intend to give offense, Starrk." Because if the arrancar meant to offend someone, he'd eat his own haori. "What happened?" He asked as the healer arrived. It was Hanatoro and he immediately went to Starrk's side. The arrancar seemed surprised as he began to peel away the inexpert bandaging.

"The wound is not deep – " He began to protest but Toshiro gave him a sharp look. "Hai taichou-sama." Starrk submitted with a small sigh. "It was… foolish of me." Starrk said quietly, glancing to the side. "I had hoped… this flat is expensive and I have no way to defend it. If someone chose to break down my door I could not stop them." Toshiro glanced at the wreckage behind him, involuntarily. "I had hoped I might find someone to live with, someone with enough power to protect me."

"Someone to share the rent with?" He asked and Starrk looked surprised.

"Oh. I had not thought of that…" He sounded troubled and Toshiro stared at him, puzzled. "No, that… would not work. Anyone strong enough would not need that." He sounded regretful and Toshiro's eyes narrowed as he began to wonder. He came from the Rukongai and while it had been a relatively good neighborhood, he still understood how things worked.

"Starrk, what were you going to trade for your protection?" Toshiro asked and Starrk seemed reluctant to answer. "Starrk!"

"My body, taichou-sama." He said dully and Toshiro heard Hanatoro gasp. He kept his gaze on the arrancar, seeing that bone deep weariness again. "I have nothing else. The big taichou with the strange hair… he understood my offer but he does not care for men. I asked who might and he told me I should approach the man with the long black hair… At the time I thought it was helpful. Now I think he was tricking me. I was foolish…" He closed his eyes, letting his head fall back on the cushion. Toshiro took a deep breath, controlling his temper.

"Starrk…" What was he supposed to do with the man? He'd think of something. For now… "How is he?" He asked Hanatoro, who swallowed before speaking.

"It is a shallow wound, Hitsugaya taichou. However, it is very long and it is deeper right near his hole. That is a sensitive point. I've healed him as much as his body can take but without his reiatsu…" That was a limiting factor. The reiatsu level of the patient dictated how quickly they would recover from wounds. "Perhaps he should stay overnight at the Fourth."

"Yes, that would be good." And it would give him time to think about what he could do with Starrk. He could see why the arrancar wouldn't want to stay in the barracks, completely surrounded by shinigami. Yet, he was right about how vulnerable his apartment was. Toshiro massaged his forehead as Hanatoro gently helped Starrk to his feet. He'd spoken to Renji and there had been charges about the last attack, but the punishments had been slaps on the wrist. He doubted it would be enough to deter future incidents. Shaking his head, he went to help Hanatoro with the arrancar. Starrk could barely walk, the huge wound pulling him with every step. Together, they were able to carry him in shunpo. Toshiro mentally vowed to bring all this up at the next taichou's meeting.

Zaraki and Kuchiki both needed to be aware this was unacceptable, but he also wanted Starrk to have some access to his reiatsu. Maybe that would finally let the arrancar live without fear for a companion.


	4. Chapter 4

"Zaraki taichou. Kuchiki taichou." Toshiro said with icy control. It was the monthly captain's meeting and he was furious with them both. "I do not appreciate one of my Division being cruelly tricked and injured. Please refrain in the future." He was sure they would both know what he was talking about. Sure enough…

"Holy shit, the dumbass really did it? HAH! I wish I'd been there to see pretty boy's face!" Zaraki said with a feral grin and Byakuya's eyes narrowed, ever so slightly. Toshiro could sense that he was itching to reach for his sword.

"I should have known you were behind that farce. I should challenge you to a duel." He said and Zaraki's grin only increased.

"Anytime you want to rumble, pretty boy!" Then, to everyone else's relief, Yamamoto entered the room. Kenpachi might be willing to continue in front of him but Byakuya would not. Then the meeting came to order.

When his turn to report came, though, Toshiro brought up something that had been preying on his mind for a while.

"I must ask that the restrictions on the arrancar's power be lightened." Glancing around the table, Toshiro could see he had almost no support. He allowed his tone to harden. "The current situation is not acceptable. Kenpachi taichou and Kuchiki taichou should understand why." Byakuya did not deign that with a response while Zaraki looked bored. He might understand Starrk's plight but it did not mean he empathized with the hollow.

"Why should we give that creature any kind of trust?" Kensei asked and Toshiro sighed internally. He understood why the Visored hated Starrk, but it seemed pointless to him now. The Espada was so defeated and broken. What was the point of torturing him further?

"Because if we expect to gain any trust we must _give_ some trust." He said, glancing at Yamamoto. He wasn't the best at this sort of thing but he hoped the old man would understand. "Right now he views himself as a slave." Starrk hadn't explicitly stated that but Toshiro wasn't stupid. "If we want him to ever see us as anything more than his captors, we must begin returning his control over his reiatsu."

"What level of power are you suggesting?" Unohana asked and he felt grateful towards her for not rejecting the suggestion outright. But if there was one possible ally he had at the table, it would be her. He answered immediately.

"Nothing excessive. Seated officer only." That would be enough to give Starrk some feeling of control, some ability to defend himself. Not much, perhaps, but just that would help.

"Don't see why we should…" The other taichou began to debate the merits of the proposal and Toshiro just let things go for a while. Several, like Zaraki, Kuchiki and Kurotsuchi, were indifferent. Many more were hostile… Hirako, Muguruma and Soi Fon were all against. No one was really coming forward to support him and Hitsugaya could only hope –

"I must agree with Hitsugaya taichou." Unohana's voice cut through the debate easily and everyone looked at her as she smiled dangerously. "As you know, he has been in the care of the Fourth. An important part of his therapy is reestablishing a feeling of control. Isane has already mentioned to me that it is difficult when that is contradicted by reality." She said and he felt a great gratitude towards her. "Soutaichou?"

"Very well." He rumbled, making his decision. "Kurotsuchi. You will alter his restraints to return some of the arrancar's reiatsu. That is possible?" He hadn't mentioned a problem… the scientist nodded readily.

"They are easily adjustable. I designed them that way." He said immediately. Toshiro was sure Starrk wouldn't react well to seeing him again, but there was no help for it. At least knowing the purpose of the visit would help. "When shall I meet you in the Fourth?" At least he wasn't going to demand that Starrk go to the Twelfth. That would be even worse. Unohana and Kurotsuchi quickly arranged a time when Starrk would be in the Fourth. The rest of the taichou were left with nothing to say, since the matter had already been decided. The meeting progressed to other things and Hitsugaya felt a great deal of relief.

He was finding that he really did want Starrk to succeed in Soul Society.

* * *

"Wh-What?" Starrk breathed, hardly willing to believe his ears. Had he just said…? Toshiro looked at him evenly, seeming a bit uncomfortable.

"I brought it up in the taichou's meeting and it was decided to return some of your reiatsu. Only seated officer level – " Starrk couldn't help it. The joy he felt was just so intense, he had to express it. He gently hugged his startled taichou, feeling the tears building in his eyes.

"Thank you, thank you." He said, feeling a wonderful and terrible relief. Finally, he would be able to protect himself again. Not a lot, perhaps, but it would be something. A hand gently patted his back and Starrk blinked as he realized what he was doing might be taken the wrong way. He let go of his taichou and was relieved to see that Hitsugaya was smiling at him. "I'm sorry… I did not mean…"

"It's fine." Toshiro assured him. "I understand. Now, for your living arrangements. I can see why the barracks is uncomfortable for you but that apartment is far too expensive for what you're getting." He sounded a touch angry about that but Starrk couldn't imagine why. Rents were high and it had been valuable to the owner as a storage room. "Now, you will be able to use sonido." Another joy. No more long walks to go everywhere. "Would you live in the Rukongai? My house is very large." Starrk blinked in surprise. Surely he didn't want…? "You can pay me rent and cook meals."

"I, uh, don't know how to cook." He said, his mind on autopilot. Rent? Surely his taichou did not need that. Taichou made a great deal of money. Toshiro looked pained but resolute.

"You can't possibly be any worse than Rangiku. I swear, she's tried to poison me." He muttered and Starrk was sure it had been accidental. Although he could absolutely picture it happening. Still…

"Taichou-sama, I… appreciate the gesture. But I do not need charity." He said after a moment. If he'd been an adjuchas, the very concept of charity would have been baffling. But he was vasto lorde and he did understand. Toshiro frowned at him.

"If you're paying rent it's not charity, Starrk." He said firmly but Starrk greeted that with skepticism. If Hitsugaya didn't need the money, it was charity. "If you really want, you can move out when you've saved up a deposit for a better place." That… was more palatable. And it would be unmannerly to refuse… after a moment, Starrk nodded.

"Yes, taichou-sama. I will need to give my landlord notice. And when will my powers be returned?" His lease was month to month so he would likely have to stay only a week or so. It was close to the end of the month.

"Your next meeting with Kotetsu fukutaichou. Kurotsuchi will be there." He warned and Starrk felt a shudder run through his whole body. The thought of seeing that man again… but if it would get his powers back, he would endure it. Swallowing hard, he nodded. "Let me know when you can move in. I will get a room ready for you."

"Yes, taichou-sama. And thank you." He said humbly. He was truly thankful for everything Hitsugaya had done for him. His taichou gave him a brief smile before leaving the room and Starrk went back to his work with a glad heart.

It seemed that things might be improving.

* * *

_~help~_

Starrk paused, glancing around with a touch of puzzlement. What was that sound? Had he truly even heard it? Speeding his steps, he hurried to his meeting with Kotetsu fukutaichou.

In many ways, his therapy was going well. Having a few powers back was giving him the feeling of control she'd been trying to foster in him. In was also lessening the strain on him. Living with Hitsugaya also helped massively. No one would dare strike at him there, which gave him a genuine safe haven.

But now this was happening. He kept hearing things. Only when he was in the healing Division, which was odd. Starrk thought that hearing voices was alarming and he'd been ignoring it, hoping it would go away. But this was the third time and it was starting to truly worry him. What was it? Should he mention it to Isane? Reluctantly, he decided he should.

She was not there when he arrived, a touch late. Starrk settled into the chair and closed his eyes, slipping into a light doze. Now that he felt better, it was easier to sleep. He still drank but not nearly as much –

_~help!~_ Starrk's eyes flared open as he felt a much stronger tug on his conscience. It was like nothing he'd felt before. _~help us~_

"Help who? Who are you?" Starrk strained his senses but it seemed like the more he tried to reach the voice, the more it slipped away. "…" Shaking his head, he set himself to wait. Isane walked in a moment later, smiling cheerfully at him.

Their session was productive and near the end, Starrk brought up the voice he was hearing. He was reluctant… it sounded insane… but he was here to be helped, after all.

"Lately, I have been hearing a voice." He admitted and she blinked at him, a touch surprised. "Only when I come for our meetings… it is asking me for help. But it is hard for me to hear. I do not know what it is."

"How strange. I don't know why you would be hearing voices at this stage…" Kotetsu seemed uncertain but then she brightened. "I'll ask Unohana. I'm sure she'll have some insights. Perhaps she'll speak to you personally." Starrk nodded, a touch relieved by the thought. "Does this voice seem like it's within your head or outside you?"

"Outside…" They spent some time going over the voice before it was time for the session to end. As he left, though, Starrk felt an odd tugging. Aimlessly drifting, he allowed himself to follow that sensation. It drew him to one particular room and he hesitated before carefully sliding open the door. Seeing no healers, he cautiously stepped inside.

Then halted as he realized who was lying in the bed. Taichou-san… no, Kyoraku Shunsui, that was his name. He looked very different without his pink kimono, without his robes and haori. His hair was unbound, brushed and very clean. He looked very peaceful in repose but Starrk could see the signs of wasting, the hints that he had been unconscious for a very long time. It took longer for such things to show, with a powerful shinigami, but they still did. And his reiatsu… it was there, but barely a breath in the air. His two swords were sitting on a rack nearby, and his kimono was hung on a peg on the wall. It all seemed very sad to Starrk.

Then he heard something behind him and turned to see a startled member of the Fourth. He knew the boy… Hanatoro? Yes, that was it.

"Oh, Starrk-san! You came to see Kyoraku-taichou?" He asked and Starrk hesitated before nodding. He hadn't meant to, hadn't known where he was going, but it was definitely what he'd done.

"I… wonder. Did I cause this?" He knew many shinigami blamed him for it. Hanatoro looked downcast for a moment before shaking his head.

"He was able to fight Aizen after you were brought down. I cannot see how this is your fault in any way. It was Aizen…" Hanatoro said sadly and Starrk nodded, looking at the man on the bed. His chest rose and fell in an even rhythm. "We think maybe he used a poison. We couldn't find anything but the condition of his spiritual pressure is so strange…"

"Hm, perhaps. Szayel was very inventive." Could Aizen have used something specifically to disable this man? Perhaps. Hanatoro went past him to tend to his tasks, gently caring for the unconscious taichou and Starrk decided it was time to go. Slipping out, he felt a quiet sense of grief as he went home. Although… he still didn't know.

What was that voice?

* * *

_The forest was dark and intimidating, full of rustling leaves and haunting cries._

_Starrk moved through it slowly, uncertain what it meant. If it meant anything. Dreams were often just dreams and had no particular meaning. And this forest… it reminded him of the Menos forest where the Gillian gathered. He must have been one of them, once. Perhaps this was a strange flashback to those ancient times…_

_Pausing, Starrk sniffed the air. Briefly, he caught a strange musk. It smelled like… like cat fur and flowers? Frowning, he sniffed the air again but this time he caught the dusty smell of old bones and the faintest trace of a reptilian reek. Peculiar. And he felt like he was being watched…_

" _Arrancar." He stopped dead at that strange voice. It was female, but as it spoke a wind ran through the forest. Leaves fell and the voice was distorted, making him strain to hear. "At last. We… need…" The voice became even more distorted and Starrk could feel the desperation of it._

" _I cannot make that out. I think you are trying too hard. Relax." He said with the clarity of mind that sometimes came in dreams. There was a pause before the voice spoke again._

" _The most difficult task of all! We need you, arrancar. Return… you… took…" The leaves were joined by flower petals now and their sounds muffled the voice too much. The forest seemed to darken and Starrk felt it as the dream broke apart…_

* * *

"You made this?" His taichou seemed a touch surprised. Starrk nodded.

"It seemed to come back to me. Sometimes, things like that can happen." Toshiro gave him a questioning look and he explained further. "I am a soul collection… strange pieces of information sometimes came back. The… painted taichou, he did something to me that taught me to read." He shivered a bit, mentioning him, then put it resolutely aside. That was the past. "Would you like to try some?"

"Please!" Hitsugaya smiled at him as Starrk cut the jelly roll. Today was his day off. Before, he would mostly have gone to the Division anyway, catching up on work or just sitting the sun. But now that he had a den he could truly call safe he often stayed there, experimenting in the kitchen. He was getting the hang of it although there had been a few disasters. The time he'd left some gai lan unattended, burning the bottom, then tried to use it in his soup by only taking the unburned parts… that had been bad. The burnt taste had infected the soup. They'd eaten out that night.

This, though, was very good. The sponge cake he'd used to make the roll had come out well, and the raspberry jam he'd used was delicious. It was very sweet, though, and went well with a strong black tea or coffee. Speaking of…

"Would you like some tea, Toshiro-san?" He asked diffidently. He felt a bit awkward using his name, but since they were living together Toshiro had requested him to do so. "We have earl grey." That was his favorite and he thought it would go particularly well with the jam roll. Hitsugaya nodded.

"That would go well with this. If you could?" He said and Starrk smiled before going to prepare it. He did not mind at all. In fact, it made him feel good, knowing that his cooking efforts were bearing fruit.

"How is your therapy going?" Toshiro asked as Starrk brought out the tea. He hesitated a moment before responding.

"Very well… but that strange voice still haunts me, every time I go near the Fourth." He admitted and Toshiro frowned before taking a sip of his tea. Starrk took a seat, sampling his jelly roll. It really was very good… "It haunts my dreams as well, but I can never remember them clearly when I wake up." That was frustrating. He could vaguely remember a forest and the voice asking him for something, but it was not clear. "I have realized something strange, though. It began bothering me immediately after partial control of my power was returned." There seemed to be a direct connection. Hitsugaya looked a touch surprised before nodding.

"You should mention that to Kotetsu. Perhaps she can think of something in the Fourth that could be affecting you." He said after a moment and Starrk was glad he wasn't simply being dismissed as insane. Starrk was honestly afraid he might be losing his mind, but hoped that he wasn't. He did seem to be getting better, in most ways. "I was wondering. Have you ever been to the theatre?" Toshiro asked and Starrk shook his head. He wasn't even sure what a theatre was. "Would you like to?"

"I… what does it entail?" He asked cautiously and Hitsugaya tried to explain. Telling a story on a stage? It sounded interesting. "I would like to see that." He said, feeling an odd yearning in his chest. There were so many things he didn't know. For all the time he'd spent in Soul Society, so many things had been closed to him. Because he had no money, because of the danger… so many things. "If you do not mind taking me, Toshiro-san." Even with some of his power returned he was not sure he wanted to go alone. Hitsugaya smiled at him.

"I wouldn't have mentioned it if I did. Next Thursday after work?" He asked and Starrk readily assented. They ate in silence for a while, just enjoying the sweet jelly roll. Then Toshiro retired to the living room to read a book as Starrk cleaned away the dishes. He didn't mind. In fact, he appreciated being able to help. If he was only paying rent, he would have felt that he was taking too much. Toshiro did not need his money, after all.

Cooking and cleaning let him feel like he truly had a place.


	5. Chapter 5

Toshiro lay on his bed, just thinking about his houseguest.

Coyote Starrk was not intruding at all. The contrary, Toshiro was finding that his home was warmer and more welcoming with someone else there. He was helpful in the kitchen and had a mania for neatness, which was fine since Hitsugaya felt the same way. And he was quiet, unlike Matsumoto. As if the thought had summoned her, Toshiro heard Starrk's voice from the living room.

"Ah… fukutaichou-sama? I believe taichou-sama is taking a nap…" Formal, but Starrk still tended to do that when they were not in private. After his experience with Kuchiki he was even more afraid of giving offense. Sighing, Toshiro pushed himself up. He didn't really need a nap. But why was Matsumoto bothering him on his day off?

"Taichou!" He didn't like the overenthusiastic hug. And he really didn't like the reek of alcohol. "I was in the neighborhood and I thought I would come to see you!"

"Have you been drinking? It's four in the afternoon!" He snapped as she let go, taking on an innocent expression.

"I just had a few drinks!" She protested and Toshiro was grimly certain that it had been more than a few. "Oh taichou, don't be like that. I just wanted to –"

"Sponge some food off us to absorb the alcohol." He said shortly. He knew her all too well. The wounded look she gave him was well done, but he knew better. "Do we have enough ready for three?" He asked Starrk, who was watching in alarm. The arrancar hesitated before nodding.

"Yes, we should. I am making fish cakes. I thought I would make enough for breakfast tomorrow so there is plenty." He offered and Toshiro nodded. "Should I begin now?"

"Please." It was a bit early to eat but Matsumoto needed to sober up. And in the meantime… "Would you like a cookie?" Starrk had made some rather beautiful ones, sugar cookies with icing in lacy little patterns. He made them by dipping a knife in the icing and then drizzling it onto the cookies, an idea he'd come up with himself.

"Ooohh, please!" Matsumoto took a seat on the couch as Toshiro went to fetch her one of those. Starrk looked up from the frying pan with a small smile and Toshiro returned it before sniffing the air. The fish cakes smelled excellent. Did they have shrimp? It smelled like it to him. Fetching a cookie, he brought it back to his errant fukutaichou. She was starting to doze off but she came awake as he touched her shoulder. "Oh thank you!" She admired the cookie for a moment. "Did he make this?" She actually lowered her voice a bit as she glanced towards the kitchen.

"Yes, he did. He's very handy." Toshiro replied as she bit into the cookie. It was a bit flakey, and crumbs spilled into her bosom. Matsumoto giggled and hunted for them, which made him wince and look away.

"Handsome and handy in the kitchen! Taichou, you have a catch!" She said with a laugh and he frowned at her. What was she…? "You like him, don't you?" Matsumoto fluttered her eyelashes as he stared at her. "I always wondered why you didn't seem interested but I just thought you were too young~"

"Matsumoto!" He reeled a bit internally at her suggestion. She was saying he and Starrk…? "It's not that way at all." Toshiro said firmly. Starrk was a very nice roommate and good to have around, but nothing more. She giggled before taking a bite of the cookie.

"But would you like it to be more?" She asked sweetly and thankfully he was saved from having to deal with that impudence as Starrk came out with his first batch of fish cakes. "Oh thank you!" Rangiku took one, dimpling at the man and he smiled politely. Toshiro could tell that he was still wary of her. Not surprising, given the hell she'd accidentally put him through.

Starrk was working on more than rice cakes, though. The rice cooker held rice ready most of the day and that joined their plates, along with some quickly steamed asparagus. Matsumoto was soon regaling them with a story of her latest exploits. It was amusing and Toshiro didn't really mind, although he thought Starrk was only listening to be polite. Then Rangiku said something rather interesting.

"You know, Starrk-san, you should come to a party!" She said and Toshiro saw the flash of sadness on the arrancar's face before he shook his head, sipping his tea.

"I am not welcome at such events." He said quietly and Toshiro stared. Who had told him…? Rangiku put his question into words.

"Who told you that?" She demanded and Starrk sighed, just gazing into his teacup.

"I do not know their names. The message was not verbal but it was quite clear." He said before calmly taking another sip. Toshiro grit his teeth for a moment as he understood. Had he gone to the Fourth or just endured the pain with more sake? Matsumoto actually looked taken aback for a moment.

"Oh." Nothing could keep her down long, however. "Oh, taichou-san! You should take him to a party! Show him around, be his drinking buddy, tee hee!" She tittered and Toshiro rubbed his forehead with a sigh. He was not fond of such events and besides – "Although they'll try not to serve you again, hahaha!"

"Matsumoto." He growled. His apparent age was so annoying, when the bartenders refused to serve him for being a 'child'. "That is not among my interests." Bar crawling just wasn't his thing. "Unless you want to?" He asked Starrk. If he did, well, maybe he'd make time for it. The arrancar shook his head.

"No. Alcohol… perhaps it is just the quality of sake I drink, but I do not like it. And even if I were safe, I do not think I would feel welcome." He said and Toshiro nodded. That struck him as good sense. Although…

"Perhaps you would like to see a play?" He offered and the arrancar looked blank. "It's like a visual story." He thought it would be relatively easy for the hollow to understand. Soul Society had to be rather baffling to him. Starrk looked interested at the thought.

"I might enjoy that…" He said and Matsumoto interrupted with a throaty chuckle.

"You both get along so well together!" She cooed and Starrk looked confused as Toshiro favored her with a glower. "Mmm…" She shoveled in some rice, spilling more of it in her bosom. Toshiro wondered if she was saving food for tomorrow in there.

"Um… perhaps you should take a shower before you leave…" Starrk muttered, looking rather repulsed. Mastumoto blinked at him.

"Oh? Why?" She asked and Starrk was left groping for a response. So Toshiro said it for him.

"You're drunk and spilling everything in your bust." That made her hunt through it again. "Matsumoto… just eat, then take a nap." Why was his fukutaichou such a hopeless drunk? Couldn't he steal Nanao from the Eighth? Although she didn't want to leave it. That would be like admitting that Shunsui would never be back. Grimacing a little at the thought… Kyoraku taichou might as well be dead, for all the hope the healers had… he turned his attention back to his tea.

Fortunately, it didn't take long before Rangiku was yawning. He bundled her off into one of the guest rooms for a nap as Starrk began cleaning up. As he stepped back into the living room, he watched the arrancar for a moment.

_Is she right?_ He wondered as he gazed at the man's back. Starrk really was very graceful, lean and well-muscled beneath his robes. Toshiro had never thought about another man _that_ way before but the thought was intriguing. For a moment, he tried to picture the arrancar naked and blinked at the image that came to him. Starrk lying on his cushions, his body displayed as he dozed…

"Toshiro-san?" He came back to himself with a blink to see Starrk smiling at him shyly. "Would you like to play shogi?"

"I… yes, I would like that." The thought of a good game of shogi was immensely appealing. As they played, he sometimes watched Starrk's face. He really was very handsome, particularly when he was concentrating on the game. Could Matsumoto actually be right?

It would be unusual, but there was a first time for everything.

* * *

Toshiro had almost forgotten about Rangiku's words and his own confused feelings when something bizarre and unsettling happened.

Kyoraku taichou's zanpakuto vanished from his rooms. For a shinigami, stealing someone else's zanpakuto was as pointless as it was taboo. They could not be used by another, once the imprinting process was complete. However, Shunsui had been a powerful taichou. Did someone think they could somehow steal that power? Toshiro really didn't know.

The medics had discovered the theft and raised the alarm. Now, all the shinigami knew about it and there was a great deal of speculation about the thief. Suspicion had naturally gone to Starrk but quickly fizzled, because the arrancar certainly had no use for a real zanpakuto. Perhaps, if he was given more of his power back, they would give him a blank blade and he could try to imprint on it. Would it even work? Mayuri might know. But Shunsui's weapons would certainly be of no use to him.

That what made what he discovered a month later even more shocking.

He discovered it by pure luck. He'd come home at an unusual hour, when Starrk had a day off. They didn't always coordinate their days off and this was one they did not share. And before he'd arrived, he'd picked up a special treat for the arrancar, a bottle of really good sake. It might be interesting to see if Starrk would enjoy fine alcohol. So he'd concealed his reiatsu, intending to surprise the arrancar with his gift.

Toshiro had been the one surprised, though, when he found Starrk in the garden. He was sitting with two swords across his lap, one long and one short. He seemed to be trying to meditate over them? If he hadn't known better he'd have thought the arrancar was attempting Jinzen.

"Starrk, what are you doing?" He said icily and saw the arrancar start violently, looking up with wide eyes. "What are you doing with Kyoraku taichou's zanpakuto?" He asked as Starrk clutched the swords, his face white. He narrowed his eyes, letting his anger enter his reiatsu. What did the man think he was doing? He could get sent to the Mukan for this!

"I – I am sorry taichou-san. I know it is not right but I had to… she is speaking to me…" Starrk said beseechingly and Toshiro stared at him in disbelief. "I – I did not know everyone would be so upset… I could not return her… I am sorry." The arrancar sloped his shoulders, taking that submissive posture he'd noticed before. But Toshiro's attention was taken by his earlier sentence.

"What do you, she is speaking to you?" Was the arrancar deluding himself into believing he was truly communicating with the zanpakuto? Starrk blinked and wet his lips before replying hesitantly.

"The voice… the one I have been hearing… it is her, taichou-sama." He said and Toshiro felt a moment of pity. The arrancar had clearly lost his mind. He hid that feeling, though, behind an expressionless mask. "I dream about her. She is a frightening monster – " Toshiro couldn't stop his flare of anger. The arrancar was calling a zanpakuto a monster? Starrk winced as he felt his reiatsu in the air. "I am sorry." He said meekly and Toshiro took a deep breath before letting it out.

"We need to return those to the Fourth. Hide them in a cloth and come with me." He said crisply. He would take this to Unohana directly. Perhaps they could conceal what had happened from the Seireitei as a whole.

Soon he and Starrk were having a private audience with Unohana, the room warded with various kidos. She seemed completely at ease with the arrancar's theft and began to gently question him. She didn't ask him to leave so soon Toshiro knew that from hearing a voice, Starrk had gone on to having dreams, followed by waking visions. The last only happened when he visited the Fourth. Then he described the entity he thought was Katen Kyokotsu…

"She is a strange and terrible beast… her body is in the shape of a tiger, but with fur of darkest green. It is torn in places, revealing the blood and bones beneath… it was so real, I could see the muscles and tendons move as she walked – " Well, that sounded disturbing. Starrk definitely had an interesting imagination. "Her head is like a human skull. Fleshless and so white… her teeth are huge, great fangs like no human or arrancar could have. Her tail is strange too… the end of it is tipped with a great flower of pink and white. When she speaks the leaves in the forest fall, making it hard to hear." Starrk looked at the table, his gaze far away. "That is why I took the blades… she is so desperate to make me hear her. She must want me to help him but I don't know how." The arrancar sounded quietly depressed and Toshiro sighed to himself. If this mental breakdown was linked to Starrk's compassion for Kyoraku, it was at least understandable.

"Fascinating." Unohana drew a breath and Toshiro was struck but the interest in her face, the light in her eyes. "Toshiro, I want you to take Starrk-san to my private meditation gardens and teach him Jinzen."

"What?" Toshiro couldn't help his disbelief. What was she…? "Unohana-taichou?" Did she actually believe this story? But it was impossible for a shinigami to make contact with another shinigami's zanpakuto, let alone an arrancar! She smiled at him gently before explaining.

"I've known Shunsui since he was a boy. A very long time ago, he came to me for help. He had just seen Katen Kyokotsu for the first time and was disturbed by her monstrous appearance." She said and Toshiro's eyes widened as he glanced at Starrk in shock. The arrancar was still looking at the table. "Starrk-san has described her perfectly. And there is simply no way he could know this… such details about our weapons are reserved for our closest confidants. There is absolutely no way Kyoraku taichou would have given Starrk-san this information on a battlefield."

"I… see…" His mind reeled a bit at the information, but Toshiro knew she was right. Discussing Katen Kyokotsu's attributes in the middle of the battle? The thought was ridiculous! And he knew that many swords had unusual appearances… their manifestations during the zanpakuto rebellion had been humanoid, probably because otherwise they would be hard to translate to flesh. But that was not typical. "She really looks like that?" Starrk's description was vivid and Toshiro found it a bit daunting. Hyourinmaru, with his cold ice, was more to his taste. Unohana nodded.

"You see why he was taken aback." She said and Toshiro blinked before nodding. "Please, take Starrk-san, and teach him. Hopefully we can understand what Katen Kyokotsu desires." That was a dismissal and Toshiro nodded, understanding what she wasn't saying. If Starrk couldn't figure this out using Jinzen, the next step would be to see what Mayuri could do.

Toshiro devoutly hoped they could avoid that.

* * *

Starrk took a deep breath, trying to clear his mind.

It was hard. He was nervous, in Unohana-taichou's private gardens. He was also feeling a bit hurt. It made him feel stupid to admit, but Toshiro's reaction to Unohana's words had made him realize his taichou had not believed him at all. He'd just been humoring him while he brought him to the Fourth. That… stung. Although his claims had, perhaps, been preposterous.

Setting all that aside, he attempted to learn the meditation and discipline that was Jinzen. At first it was frustrating, but he schooled himself to patience. Nothing worth doing was easy. And anything difficult to do was worth doing well…

As calm came over his mind, he gradually found his own inner world. It was nothing like the forests he'd seen in the waking visions and nighttime dreams. No… it was a land of sand, reminding him of Hueco Mundo. It was achingly empty, without even the corpse towers he'd become so accustomed to. High above, there was the crescent moon, shedding a pallid light. At first, he simply felt alone. But gradually he felt a presence…

_Finally, you have come._ The whisper was different here. The voice was not obscured by the sound of leaves dropping. Here, it was twisted and distorted by the shifting of sand. As Starrk watched, the sand dunes began rearranging themselves. It was odd to see, the work of wind and time done in mere seconds. _It is time to give back what you stole._

"I do not understand." He murmured, turning around and trying to find her. Yet, there was nothing, just that teasing voice. "You always say that but you never explain." He'd already heard this accusation of thievery. He felt her frustration, followed by a nasty pleasure. Starrk frowned at that feeling. He hadn't felt anything like that from her before.

_We did not want to warn you._ His eyes widened as he abruptly felt hot breath against the back of his neck. Whirling, he looked into her eyes. They were like embers, burning into his soul. _RETURN IT!_ Abruptly, Starrk's whole world went red. He could feel nothing, knew nothing.

The force in his soul was overwhelming.

* * *

For the briefest of moments, Hyourinmaru faced a choice.

He was not particularly fond of Starrk. Not that he had anything against the arrancar in particular – he didn't – he just wasn't really fond of anyone besides Toshiro. Grudgingly, very grudgingly, he was willing to admit that Starrk seemed to be good for his wielder. Taking care of him gave Toshiro something to do and encouraged him to get out and about. So overall, he liked the arrancar a bit more than most people. Perhaps that was why he did what he did.

Or perhaps what led him to make the choice he did was his feelings about Katen Kyokotsu. He cordially despised the other zanpakuto and vastly preferred to not know Kyoraku Shunsui at all. If he was anything like his blade, the ice dragon considered him a pain in the ass. He felt no loyalty to them at all while his attachment to Hitsugaya Toshiro was full and deep.

So when Starrk stood, a blank look on his face, and raised the smaller sword Hyourinmaru made a split second decision.

_STOP HIM!_ He shouted to his wielder, starting Toshiro out of Jinzen with a shock. Then he was lunging forward, slamming into Starrk just before he could drive the blade into his own chest. They went down in a tangle of limbs and for a moment Starrk struggled, blank faced. Then he blinked, going limp as some sense returned.

"Toshiro?" Starrk sounded lost and confused as Toshiro held him down, breathing heavily. It had been so close… "What… oh." He blinked, his head turning to look at the sword in his hand. "That was rude." He said, sounding offended. Toshiro blinked at him.

"Rude? Starrk, you almost killed yourself!" That sounded rather more than rude to him. "What happened?" Starrk's gaze focused on him and the arrancar did his best to explain.

"I understand now. When I was dying, he was the one closest to me. He was so badly hurt from what Aizen had done to him and I was so desperate to live. Survival is always the strongest instinct." Starrk sounded a bit sad and Toshiro blinked at him. "I made a connection. It was not conscious – I was nearly out of my mind – but I still made a connection to his soul and drew a piece of it into myself. That is why he is like this. It was me." Toshiro let go of his arms, confident that he wouldn't hurt himself. Starrk sat up before favoring Katen Kyokotsu with a glower. "I would feel worse about that if you hadn't just tried to murder me." He said but Toshiro was thinking about something else.

"Now that you know this, can he be restored?" He asked and Starrk nodded.

"I am fairly sure I know how. That is what makes it so rude… purifying me with his blades would, of course, restore him. But it is not the only way." Starrk sounded very confident and Toshiro quirked an eyebrow at him. "I broke my soul once, when I made my Lilynette." There was a trace of sorrow on his face as he mentioned her name but it quickly vanished. "I can do it again. I can bring out that small piece of him and complete his aura… and if I can't, the painted taichou surely can." Starrk sounded bleak and Toshiro winced. Yes, Mayuri could certainly do that, but what else would he do? "Come, we should tell Unohana-taichou so I can try."

"Yes, of course." It was surprising to see Starrk taking the lead. But Toshiro found that he liked it. And he was reminded that Starrk had once been the Primera, the most powerful of the Espada.

Perhaps someday, he would hold that power again.

* * *

Resting his hands against taichou-san's chest, Starrk closed his eyes and sought inner peace.

He was still rather upset with Katen Kyokotsu but he understood her too well to stay angry. She didn't care about him at all. All that mattered to her was Shunsui and as she saw things, the best way to ensure his survival was to end Starrk's life. However, he was not willing to cooperate with that.

Instead, he was going to do things his way. He was reasonably sure he could do it. If Shunsui had been dead, matters would have been very different. His soul fragment would have been digested, absorbed into Starrk's collection. But he was alive and by the very nature of things, that fragment had to still be intact. It would be difficult but possible to bring it forth…

Starrk sought through his soul collection, looking for the flicker that would match the aura of the man beneath his hands. It was hard but he finally found that tiny spark, a merest wisp of power. Shocking that the loss of something so small could do this… but perhaps it was something very vital, a lynchpin of some sort. He really knew very little about such things.

Isolating the power was followed by extracting it. He was not alone in that… Unohana had a hand on his shoulder and was helping him now. The pain of removing what had become part of himself, even for a time, was intense. But Starrk was used to pain and he hissed through his teeth as the little spark of golden fire left his body and dropped into the waiting vessel.

There was nothing at first, as Starrk moved away. But as Unohana touched taichou-san's shoulder he groaned, his eyelids flickering. They blinked and for the first time in over a year, Kyoraku Shunsui spoke.

"Unohana…?" His voice sounded creaky as an old gate but Unohana smiled, lifting his head and pressing a glass of water to his lips. He drained it quickly. "What… happened…? I feel so… weak…"

"A great deal has happened. You have been in a coma for over a year." She said gently and Starrk saw Shunsui swallow. "Starrk, Toshiro, could you please give us some privacy?"

"Starrk?!" Shunsui tried to sit up but then fell back with a groan. Starrk wondered how it felt, waking up after so long. Unohana gently reproved him.

"We have been keeping your body as well as we could, but you will require physical therapy. And Starrk-san is currently a member of Toshiro's Division. Now…" They both left the room as Unohana called in several assistants. Starrk wondered what they would be doing, watching the medics curiously. Then he blinked as he felt a hand on his arm, gazing down into green eyes.

"I'm sorry I doubted you, Starrk." Toshiro said and Starrk couldn't help but smile.

"It is fine. I understand." He was just glad he'd been proven right in the end. "Shall we go home?" He had no idea what the rest of the Seireitei would make of this, but he really didn't care. Toshiro smiled up at him before nodding.

"Yes, let's go home." And so they went, side by side.

Somehow, it felt very right to Starrk.


End file.
